Being mommy is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Lincoln has spent the last 3 weeks sick, stopped sleeping through the night, started having to be rocked to sleep again, won't eat solids, screams and cries whevenever I put him down, follows me around the house crying because he can't keep up with me. Not to mention he is constantly getting into everything, opening drawers and cupboards, eating garbage off the floor (but not what I feed him for dinner...), and he is hurting himself about every 10 minutes. When I do get a minute to myself there is laundry or homework to be done so needless to say I feel like I haven't slept in 10 years, my hair is dirty, and I live in yoga pants. I don't know when things got so hard. It feels like once Lincoln started crawling mommyhood got really hard and suddenly I feel like I can't do it. I feel like I'm in way over my head knowing that in four short months I am going have two babies.
Then last night while I was up rocking Lincoln for the third time, In the darkness of the night he reached up and rested his little dimpled hand on my face. It was like my little boy was reassuring me that I can do this and I'm doing a good job at being his mommy. It was like he knew what I was feeling and he was giving me the little push I needed to make it through that night and many more to come. Heavenly Father has sent me these beautiful little spirits because he knows what I am capable of. He knows that I can handle chasing around this wild little man or else he wouldn't have sent them to me and trusted me with them.
I know i'm still going to have bad days and i'm still going to lock myself in the bathroom so I can have 30 seconds to myself but I also know that i'm going to make it. I am so blessed to have Lincoln and this little girl that will be here soon and rather than dwelling on how hard it is I need to remember that I am so blessed to have the chance to be a mommy.
I'm a mom and it's hard but I can do it.
I loved this post. I obviously have no idea what it's like to me a mom but because I know you, I know what a good mom you are. I miss you like crazy and wish we could keep in touch better. I hope sooner than later I will be able to meet your cute babies! Love you ❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you Malea that means a lot. I miss you too! We're coming up north this weekend so I'll talk to Daniel and hopefully we can find a time to meet up!
DeleteYou are great Olivia! It IS hard. REALLY hard. And I wish I could say it gets easier but.....well some things get easier but you trade them for harder things :) The lack of sleep really is the catalyst for a lot of emotions too I think. But guess what, I had my first two 17 months apart, and I've made it so far! I was crazy for a few years. Never left my house. Slept ALL THE TIME I could get sleep in. We spent a lot of mornings curled up on my bed while I slept and Conner watched TV (he is the reason we moved the TV into our bedroom!) because Conner never woke up later than 6:00 am, and Raelee never took naps as a baby that lasted longer than 15 mins...no joke. My house was always a complete mess. The couch cushions were never actually on the couch, books and movies were never on the shelf longer than 10 minutes, I was and still am never caught up on laundry. I finally have the dishes thing down though. Go me! I spent a lot of years in my pajamas and unshowered. I recall a certain time when we had a certain babysitter over and I didn't even remember to put the sheets back on my baby's crib mattress much less leave any blankets out for her! When I look back I feel like I was on survival mode a lot. And now that time of babies and toddlers is gone.....like a whirlwind of events that part of my life is over and sometimes I can't believe it! But I made it through!! Yay for me! And I know you can too. And how thankful I am for the tender moments of mercy Heavenly Father sent and continues to send to me that reassure me that I can still do this. I spent a lot of hours talking on the phone with my sisters when my kids were young. Getting advice or just wanting assurance that I was normal. Sometimes I look back and wonder how on earth we did some of the things we did. Like when Jared and I were both in YW/YM and we had Conner and Raelee and we used to have to figure out how to get them both taken care of on top of our demanding callings that often required both of us to be at the same places at the same time! Did I mention the lack of sleep? ;) I remember thinking I would give anything for just a full night of sleep! When we'd stay at my mom's house overnight for things, it was such a blessing because she would stay up with the baby or toddler all night for me. I'm not sure I've ever been able to thank her enough for those times. Anyway, hang in there. It's the most important calling you'll ever have. I remember being told once either by my mom or my dad, that we earn every gray hair! Love you Olivia. I'm here if you ever want to talk, vent, etc
ReplyDeleteMegan it's so comforting to know that I'm not alone and I will survive because other people have. Coming over the other day was actually really good for me so we'll have to do that more often.
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